The Beginner’s Guide
Despite (or maybe because of) the taboos around anal sex, a lot of people enjoy it because it feels so good. There are a lot of rich nerve endings (for men and women) in the anal area that give the same sensations as those in the genitals. Men’s prostrate glands are about 2 to 3 inches inside the anus on the wall facing the belly button. This is a big feel-good spot for guys—some can even orgasm from having this spot stimulated. Women can indirectly stimulate their G-spot in about the same location, also leading to deeper orgasms.
Make sure that the sex toy you are using for anal play has a big enough flared base to prevent it from slipping into the rectum (as this may require a hospital visit to have it removed without harming this delicate area).
If you’re considering anal sex for the first time (or had a bad experience with a previous partner), here a couple of things to keep in mind:
- Anal sex only hurts if you aren’t doing it right. If someone tries to force a toy or penis through delicate anal tissues before you are ready—it will hurt! So take your time, get your asshole ready for some play by introducing small butt plugs, use LOTS of high-quality lubricant (and then some more, just to be safe), and introduce toys and penises very slowly, stopping whenever it hurts to allow the anus to relax and get ready for some more entry.
- Do not try having anal sex at the same pace as porn stars until you are both experienced and enthusiastic about anal play!
- If your boyfriend enjoys bending over for you when you strap on a dildo, it doesn’t mean he’s gay. It just means he enjoys having his ass played with while he’s having sex with a woman. On the other hand, if he likes getting if from a guy, then he’s definitely bisexual!
- Anal sex will not give you hemorrhoids or uncontrollable bowels. In fact, as long as you are taking care, it can even improve anal health, as exercising the muscles has circulation and toning benefits.
- If you are worried about fecal matter, know that there will always be a little. Throw down an old sheet or towel on the bed if you are worried about staining. But you can minimize it by performing a warm water anal douche an hour or two before you plan on having some anal play.
Safer Anal Sex
For safer anal sex, use a condom and lots of lube. The delicate skin of the anus is more prone to tearing and abrasion than the vagina, so it is higher risk for Sexually Transmitted Diseases—HIV/AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, anal warts, bacterial infections, Hep C, etc.
If you are using a toy for anal play, throw a condom on it for ease of cleaning. This also means you can simply put on a fresh condom on to move the toy from partner to partner and orifice to orifice.
If there’s a penis involved, it’s a really GOOD idea to use a condom—that’s because pre-cum and cum can contain HIV and Hepatitis viruses. Even a simple yeast infection is a pain in the ass (and guys often don’t realize that they have a yeast infection, because they often don’t get the symptoms that women do)!
Female Condoms and Anal Sex
You can even pre-insert a female condom, first lubing up the anal passage and entry, and then lubing up the cock. The great thing about a female condom, is that it removes the awkwardness of trying to negotiate condom use during passionate moments. Guys that liked to get anal penetration can also use female condoms. But practice insertion a few times on your own before you try it out with a partner—use a butt friendly sex toy to experiment with the amount of lube that works for you.
Another big plus of using a female condom for anal sex is that, because it stays inside the anus while it is being penetrated, the issue of seeing fecal matter on the inserted toy or penis just doesn’t happen!
Lubricants and Anal Sex
Slippery when wet! The more lubricant you use when it comes to anal sex, the better the experience, especially if you are a novice.
Get a good quality lubricant that doesn’t dry out and use lots of it. Lube not only helps you feel better sensations, it also helps to protect the anus from painful tearing—do NOT using a lube that numbs or freezes, as pain is the body’s way of telling you to slow down and be a bit more gentle.
Anal Hygiene / Anal Douching
If you are worried about the messiness of anal sex, you can reduce most of it through using an anal douche (also often called an enema) an hour or two before you plan on some butt play:
- Buy a proper anal douche bulb or enema bag—improvising with other equipment might end up hurting you or causing infection. They are readily available at pharmacies in the medical equipment area. And most Adult Fun stores will also have anal douche for sale.
- Void your bowels as completely as possible before you douche.
- Fill the douche bulb or enema bag with warm (not hot) tap water. You don’t need to use very much water—a cup or a full bulb should do it.
- Gently insert the nozzle of the bulb into your anus and squeeze the water in (you can use a bit of lube on a finger tip before you insert the nozzle if you are feeling nervous).
- Hold the water in for several minutes and then void your bowels. Stay seated, as you can expect another movement pretty soon.
- Allow for an hour or two before starting anal play, as you may still have some dirty water that will need to make its way out before you commence playing.
- Now you have a nice, clean butt that will remove almost all of the messiness of anal play!
Some people find anal douching sexually pleasurable, so that anal douching can become part of stimulating foreplay for the main event an hour or two later.
Don’ts of Anal Douching
Do not use the commercial douching preparations that are designed for the vagina. These will irritate your anal interior and create unpleasant stinging.
Don’t use soap, rubbing alcohol, shampoo, or other chemicals because they are also harmful and irritating to the anal lining.
Don’t douche too often or repetitively—you risk drying out the anal membrane and killing the beneficial bacteria that live there, among other potential problems.
Anal Sex Toy Size
If you are just starting out, go with something small; maybe just the width of a finger. But make sure that the flared base is big enough to prevent it slipping inside. You can buy combination kits that have different shapes and sizes of anal toys. Experiment until you find the one that provides the most pleasure.
These are usually softly diamond-shaped with a smaller neck and a widely flared base that helps keep the plug from slipping inside the rectum. The middle bulge stimulates the G-Spot or prostrate and also helps keep the plug in place. The gradient of the tip is to facilitate entry. Butt plugs, or anal plugs, can be made from rigid or soft materials. Ideally, you should use a condom with one to prevent cross-infections, and for ease of cleaning.
These dildos are usually much thinner than the ones designed for vaginal use. They also have a flared base to prevent the dildo slipping inside the anus. These also make it easier to use them with a harness. Many couples enjoy strapping on an anal dildo and pleasuring the male partner’s butt. Anal dildos often come in the form of fused anal beads, giving stimulation to both the prostrate/ G-spot and the nerves around the sphincter muscle. Ideally, you should use a condom with one to prevent cross-infections, and for ease of cleaning.
Smooth beads that are knotted on a string that has a ring on the end to pull them out. The beads are inserted into the anus (except for the ring) and are then pulled out while the penis or vagina is being stimulated. The contractions of the anal sphincter muscles can be enough to create a very strong orgasm. It is important to follow the cleaning and care instructions provided by the manufacturer.
How to Use a Strap-on for Anal Sex – A beginner’s Guide
- If you are freaked out about cleanliness, use an anal douche a couple of hours before play.
- Bigger probably isn’t better in this case. Pick a slender and shorter butt plug or dildo with a wider flared base that won’t slip out of the harness ring. If you put a condom on the toy, cleanup becomes much easier!
- Use some finger play. Relax the anus by playing with it gently. Tickling and licking can get the butt ready for insertion. Ask your partner to push, almost as if they are trying to have a bowel movement. This should make it easier to insert a lubricated finger (the anus doesn’t produce enough of its own lubricant for sex play).
- Use the lubricated finger to slip back and forth inside the anus so that your partner becomes used to and starts to enjoy the feeling of being penetrated.
- Now lube up. And then lube up some more, as anal sex needs far more lube than vaginal sex usually does. Lube both the anus and the dildo. Thicker lubricants are better for anal sex.
- Talk to your partner. Encourage him or her to let you know whether things are feeling good, whether you are going too fast, too hard, etc.
- Go slow. It will take some time for the anus to adjust to being penetrated. The more relaxed your partner is, the more thrusting he/she can take and enjoy.
- Enjoy. You can use double dildos, dildos designed to hit his prostrate for extra sensation, vibrators designed for harnesses that can buzz the clit and the ass, and many other toys to increase pleasure for both of you.