The biggest piece of advice from couples who successfully spice it up with another partner is always:

Communicate, communicate, communicate!

It’s pretty common for one or both members of a couple to fantasize about adding another body or bodies to the mix. Being pleasured by two people simultaneously can be incredibly exciting. And most of us have an inner voyeur who enjoys watching hot sex. If the overall state of your relationship is troubled, then having a threesome is not a great idea. As part of a couple, you can best relax and enjoy a threesome when you KNOW that your partner loves you, thinks you are hot, and that this new adventure is part of exploring and deepening your sex life.

If you decide to make this fantasy real, remove some of the danger points by talking about potential issues first. Begin with a few simple questions:

  • What do you expect the experience to be like?
  • What fears does the thought of multiple sex partners bring up?
  • If one of us gets jealous, how will we deal with it?
  • If one of us gets uncomfortable, how will we handle it?

Then, if you’ve decided that you DO want to try a threesome, ask some of the more practical questions:

  • What gender(s) will potential playmate be? Are you imagining your boyfriend sucking cock? Or is he imagining you getting all the attention while he watches?
  • Will you both play with your new partner(s)?
  • Is there anything physical that is off limits?
  • Is kissing okay—you might be turned on watching your partner bounce up and down on someone new, but then have the green-eyed monster emerge if there is kissing!
  • How safe will the sex be—condoms, dental dams, latex gloves, etc.
  • Is this a one-off, or will there be more play partners down the line?
  • If you are bringing in someone primarily to please your lover this time, do you get to choose the partner(s) next time?
  • If there is a next time, are you both comfortable asking the same playmate back, or do you want to keep the risk of emotional attachment down by constantly engaging with new partners?